Challenges

Life is full of challenges. Is whether we accept it or not. Recently i came to realize how my last 10 years had past and i have not achieve much. I didn't gain much knowledge and felt bored to my wits of the things that i've done. I didn't have much luck in relationships. My friends always laughed at me because i tend to choose the more "fierce" type ones. They basically found it funny because i was known to be hard-headed and pretty much aggressive in anything. I guess i would need a lioness to tame this man.
Recently, i have a major change in my career path due to company restructuring. I found out that there is still so much things to learn, so much things that i didn't know and the best part is everyone in my division (Including my own boss) is also new to this! So i didn't feel left out :)
Thankfully, i have a good friend whom i consider my mentor who guided me in this path. I'm very grateful to her for teaching me things and sometimes i felt i'm kinda stupid for not even knowing some things. She told me that well hey we all make mistakes, it's time to learn from it. Thanks E :)
Apart from that, thanks for listening to all my venting and bickering about my recent life experiences LOL. I think most of my friends are bored of this but hey you stick with me when i'm done. Now that's what i consider a true friend.
Anyhow, challenges are always there. When it comes, you just gotta be prepare :)

Temper

Everyone has temper. No one is perfect in that sense. When i was much younger, i admit i was very temperamental. Probably the way i was being brought up. I feel a lot of anger inside me but as the years past and the age grows it comes with realization in life. I became more patience (at least that's what i thought).
I tend not to get angry over petty things now and trying to be more controllable to myself because i know being angry or throwing temperament has a very negative effect. I would tell myself to be positive and be "nice" to people.
Anyway i had this gf whom i shall call E. First of all, i don't find her attitude pleasant at all most times. She would blamed the whole world but herself. I have been with her for more than a year and i kinda figure out her characteristic already. When it comes to work, she would talk about her colleagues how they are backstabbers, no good people etc. But in front of them, she would pretend as though she's the "angelic" one among the 4.
She would say how nasty FY was, how lazy and spoiled 16k was, how a shoe-polisher JM was and how young and naive KK was.
Anyway, let's talk about me again. For me it's simple, you treat me nice i will treat you with unconditional love and shower you with a lot of attentions and gifts. But when i get ill-treated, obviously i tend to be more opposing and tend to argue back. Why should i subject myself into giving IN all the time!!! I do not believe in compromising myself to the extend that i was so UNHAPPY. Oh well... shit happeneds. Probably i deserve it for my past behaviour. I learn a great lesson now. Will God forgive me now and let me have some peace and perhaps some happiness too? :(

Moving on

I need to move on. Too many things to do at this moment, work is pilling up everyday and i feel so little time is left. Anyway, i'm hoping this weekend i could find a new place to start over. Don't really look forward to finding a new place to move again... it's so tiring but i can't be there anymore.
I actually liked my current place. It's really cozy, nice facilities and all and even the landlord is pretty nice but i need to leave this place immediately. Argh, i feel so tired =(

Why couldn't it last?

Life... what is life? my life i can tell you that i went through so many things that most people does not even experience. Although i would consider myself somewhat lucky, but of course i do share certain parts of unhappiness.
Recently or should i say quite frequently, i had a gf named E. How i met her is through the internet and after meeting her, i really liked her a lot and would want to make her my girlfriend. In the begining, she's sweet and caring and i loved the way she smiles and she would just make my heart melt. So the quest to court her begun and i finally got into a relationship with her.
It was really sweet because we shared many wonderful moments together, finding new place to eat, going shopping together holding hands just like how any couple should be.
I have already visited her family in her hometowns and as any BF should do, try to make a good impression. I would take them out for dinner, spend sometime talking to her relatives and even play with the relatives kids. Well initially i was happy because i've gotten feedbacks that they actually liked me. Even so, i was always talking to her mum and we would talk about anything.

As all couples would fear, there comes the arguments. It has become quite consistent that we argue practically every month and now even worse, almost every week. I just couldn't understand why we could end up in such situation. We were happy...once. Why couldn't it last?
I tried to show my love by trying to give her lots of attention, spending more time with her, showering her gifts just to see her smile. But all those moments are just short lived. We will yet again end up arguing over petty things. To the point that even parents are getting involved. Obviously her mom would not be happy about this i mean who would be happy to know that their daughter is always crying and sad. Furthermore, imagine how would i felt. I'm her BF and she's always crying. I'm not happy about that. Whenever we argue, i will try my best to keep quiet and probably walk away. Is that the best solution i asked myself? IF i did not walk away but choose to stay on and "argue" back, she will say that i'm a monster and ask me to go away. What should i do? I always asked myself. I don't confront for the sake of confronting but i confront for the sake of hoping to find a solution. Yet again, i'm lost. There was once, i intentionally make myself disappear hoping she will calm down since she hated to see me or me being near her. I went away for 3 days. I was filled with sorrow and sadness during these 3 days. I think about her a lot and misses her very much. By day 3, i was so eager to go home to see her. We embrace each other and were happy again...but for a short period of time before we went back arguing again. The arguments get worse and worse each time and i fear that we would finally kill each other off but as i hope, we would patch things up again. Each time we argue, it left a scar on me.
Last weekend, she had to go work on saturday and i had to send her to work so that i could send her car to repair her tyres. She would throw tantrum at me as if she cares the car more than me because i took a while to send the car to fix while doing some chores at home. Finally i got it fixed and was on the way to pick her up from work. On the way, i encounter a road block and was slap with a "summon". I was already thinking how bad could it gets till end of the day.
I then picked her up and we were thinking of a place to eat. We went to one of her favourite place to eat "wah tan hor". While we were waiting for the food to arrived, her mom called asking her when will she go back to her hometown. She told her mom probably next day and mention that i helped her fixed her tyres. To my dismay, what i heard next really broke my heart to a million pieces. According to her, her mom questioned her why is she still with "the crazy guy"?
I began to feel angry as i felt insulted. What do i do to deserve such remark? And then she put down the phone and saying, "i don't know why my mom really dislike you". I then said this, "it's because of the impression about me that you gave your mom". She got angry and refuse to eat the food which arrived a while ago. I got mad. I then called for the bill and just walk away out of the restaurant. I was really feeling very angry yet sad to hear those remarks. I walked away and find my way home. While i was walking, i was thinking to myself that this would be the last straw. I finally made a decision to end this relationship for good. I couldn't handle all this anymore. I felt there isn't much future left and the light has started to dimmed in the darkness.
I was practically in tears but was trying to hold on to myself. While i was walking all alone, i asked myself this question again, Why couldn't it last?